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dreki's website

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dreki's website

the beginning of my journey in the nonhuman community
^{1325 words, 4 mins 49 secs reading time}i always felt different from other people. not in the "i'm so different, look at me" sense. not in the neurodiversity sense. more so that i felt like a different species as the others. sure, many kids roleplay as animals when they play. but the point is: i never saw it as roleplay. i was genuenly expressing myself as a dragon. yes, dragon. i have felt wings on my back for as long as i can remember. later followed a tail, then horns. i never told anyone, as some found my behavior i had quite disturbing when i wasn't masking my real self. i can't blame them. i still find it weird, or maybe that's my society-trained human brain thinking.
then, the covid pandemic came, which lasted a few years and changed the lives of many. like my own. it was the second bigger lockdown, and i spent my forced free time at my grandmother's house, a few days after new year's eve in 2021. i was laying in bed, i couldn't fall asleep, so i scrolled through my phone. i was looking at dragon pictures as always, especially posts of "the legend of spyro"; a video game trilogy released on consoles and handhelds back in 2006-2008. it was my hyperfixation... no, more than that. i could feel my paws, claws, tail and more while watching and laying on the side. then i thought about something:
"what if... i find out what this feeling is? maybe it is a mental condition which can be treated?"
then i did it. i opened my browser and searched for "humans that feel like they are a dragon". the first result was a german wiki link about dragonkin. curious, i read what it meant.i was shocked. literally shocked after finding out what dragonkin meant. i could have sworn i am the only human on earth thinking they are a dragon. i didn't know what to do the next few minutes. i just stared at my phone, in the middle of the night in bed, next to me my grandmother snoring and dozed off to the realm of dreams. i wanted to meet them. the "others" who were like like. i needed to find a way to contact them.
by the time, discord, a messaging website and app became quite popular. in the next morning after my "awakening", i googled for dragonkin servers. i instantly found several, but i clicked on the first one again. it was dragon's cove, a fairly big server for such a niche community. i remember being so happy, so relieved after meeting more of my kind. i asked a annoyingly amount of questions, was so nervous yet thrilled talking to other dragons. i think it went several days like this. i joined another server; draconic sanctuary, which i called my home server for a few years. from there, my real journey began. a journey of identity, knowledge and truthfulness. with the help of some dragons, especially their discussions of phantom limbs, shifts, past life memories and the like i gave the appearance of my dragonself a few last touches. or... was it my true dragon self?i finally found my people. finally someone who understood me, with whom i could talk about my experiences. but one thing bothered me; they were all traditional dragons. they all had past lives, and even memories from those lives. i had... nothing. just feelings, or noemata how they are called today. and my dragonself was different. it's based of a video game character, not something from real life mythology. i felt embarrassed, like some troll who came to their server to make fun of their real experiences. i just wanted to fit in to a community, to people who had the same struggles and wishes like i had. beings like me who i have found at long last. so i needed to create a "more fitting" dragon.

swind. an european/western dragoness who could manipulate the wind. not far from my real self, but this dragon was far more common. she was dragon sized, did was dragons do. i was happy, even though i was lying to everyone and myself. i found out about the term fictionkin half a year later, but i was still vary.
i didn't wanna expose myself as a liar, so i kept going. when i felt a bit safer, i went identifying as cynder from that video game series. i thought it would feel better, and after all my real dragon self looks almost identical to her. but that felt wrong too. my personality didn't match hers, and i was sure my scales should be white, not black. i love spyro, but not in a way she does. i didn't know what to do, so i sat down and thought for a bit; "if swind and cynder don't feel right, maybe it's something completely different?". i tried to remember the early beginnings of my childhood, and thought about i always wanted to be a tiger.
so i began to view myself as a tiger therian.the first few months were a blast! i could finally behave like myself without the restrictions of my source. i had paws, was fluffy and could be seen as wild or domesticated. i could mix and match whatever felt more like me. i commissioned artists to draw my big cat-self. i roleplayed (or how i like to call it: narrateted my actions) as a tiger. i felt wonderful being a therian.

but, again, it felt like i was lying to myself and others. it felt great, no doubt, but what about the wings on my back? what about the longing i felt when looking at pictures of my homeworld? the cherished memories of playing the games on my console? i belonged there, not here on earth.i sat down again, begged my brain to give in, that everything would be fine if we stopped pretending i was something i'm not. i broke down every tiny aspect of me, wrote down which kinds of phantom limbs i felt, what behavior i had and compared those to the dragons from the "the legend of spyro" games. i think i knew within what i really was. i just needed a push. so my journey began again, but this time differently than the last three. i want to be certain. i just tell people attributes about myself i really am certain about. i'm not afraid of letting others know what i don't know. i'm not scared of saying "i don't know" anymore.
yes, i am a dragon from a fictional world. but it is very real to me. i couldn't explain to you why, i do not have memories of a past life of a dragon from the dragon realms. it just is.
i am not swind, nor cynder, nor a tiger. i am dreki, a wind dragoness not present in video games of the mid 2000's. maybe it's a psychological phenomenon, maybe i'm "not ready" for any past life memories yet, maybe it's a secret third thing. but that doesn't matter. i know what i am now, or what i should be.
am i fictionkin now? i don't think so, and if i were, i wouldn't use that label. it is associated with characters of fiction, characters that appear in shows, movies, books, video games. i'm not someone who shows up in the "the legend of spyro" trilogy. i don't want to get assigned as someone like them, not because i see them as invalid or something, but because that assumption doesn't apply to me
(love you, fictionkin <3).
i know this journey isn't over by far, but i am confident for the future that awaits me. i just hope this time i will stay true to myself and others. i am certain this is what or who i really am, and i won't mess it up again.

labelsi don't like labels so much, so i only stick to the important ones. i could just say i'm a dragon but others could confuse it with me being a furry, which is not true. so i use dragonkin or otherkin for myself. same with my heartedness; in real life, i don't think it is necessary to tell humans that i am tiger-hearted, so i'm just telling other creatures in the alterhuman community.cameo-shifts
i am someone who experiences cameo-shifts: the sensation of phantom limbs or mentality that don't match the species of someone identifying as nonhuman.
being prone to those shifts is very confusing and annoying. sometimes i doubt my draconity because of them and can't convince myself that they will go away. if you are every catching me procrastinating again, feel free to ground me and tell me that i am dreki, the wind dragon and nothing else. thank you <3

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what is my species like?my species, the dragons of the dragon realms, consist of 5-6 (haven't figured that out yet) subspecies: fire dragons, electric dragons, ice dragons, earth dragons, wind dragons (and water dragons?). every subspecies is a little different, but still compatible. often, the differences are the coloring of scales, chest plates and wings as well as horn and tail spade variations. when two different subspecies get offspring, the hatchling(s) will become the subspecies/element of either one of the parents. hybrids do not exist. i, for example, hatched with the element of wind, thus making me a wind dragon.
depending on our subspecies, have have other elemental powers. fire dragons can breathe fire, ice dragons have a frost breath etc. a dragon only hatches with one element. that means that an earth dragon cannot learn to breathe fire.
we dragons are quadrupedal, meaning that we walk on four legs. we only have three claws (fingers) per paw, so we can hold objects with them. we usually get 3-4 meters tall as adults; females being bigger than males due to their longer necks.
our main diet consists of crystals that we call spirit gems. we consider them the gifts for us mortals created by the ones who lived before us; the ancestors, the dragon spirits. speaking of which, those are the ones my kind worships. they grant us strength and hope through omens and odd dreams.
since i in a human vessel can't consume crystals and gems without dying, i have to rely on the snacks my kind sometimes eat: berries. i like to mix my meals with either berries, fruit or vegetables. i believe that with our role as dragons, protectors of the weaker, less magical beings, we shouldn't eat the flesh of other living animals.why is everything i write lowercase?the reason why i am always writing in lowercase letters is because my species has a special type of alphabet; the dragon runes. these runes know only one form which is uppercase, but i chose typing in lowercase instead because i don't want to look like i'm always screaming.

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dreki's website