• back
• journey
• draconity
• art
• blog

my beginnings in the nonhuman community

i always felt different from other people. not in the "i'm so different, look at me" sense. not in the neurodiversity sense. more so that i felt like a different species as the others. sure, many kids roleplay as animals when they play. but the point is: i never saw it as roleplay. i was genuinely expressing myself as something else. but the real change happened when i was somewhere around 16 or 17. i have moved to my human father, out of the abusive household of my human mother. it was the first time i could really be myself, finally having the time and opportunities to look into myself. suddenly, i started to feel wings on my back, mostly when going home while listening to music. they would move to the beat. later followed a tail, then horns. i never told anyone, as some found my behavior i had developed quite disturbing when i wasn't careful and masking my real self. i can't blame them. i still find it weird, or maybe that's my society-trained human brain thinking.
then, the covid pandemic came, which lasted a few years and changed the lives of many. like my own. it was the second bigger lockdown, and i spent my forced free time at my grandmother's house, a few days after new year's eve in 2021. i was laying in bed, i couldn't fall asleep, so i scrolled through my phone. i was looking at dragon pictures as always, especially posts of "the legend of spyro"; a video game trilogy released on consoles and handhelds back in 2006-2008. it was my hyperfixation... no, more than that. i could feel my paws, claws, tail and more while watching and laying on the side. then i thought about something:
"what if... i find out what this feeling is? maybe it is a mental condition which can be treated?"
then i did it. i opened my browser and searched for "humans that feel like they are a dragon". the first result was a german wiki link about dragonkin. curious, i read what it meant.i was shocked. literally shocked after finding out what dragonkin meant. i could have sworn i am the only human on earth thinking they are a dragon. i didn't know what to do the next few minutes. i just stared at my phone, in the middle of the night in bed, next to me my grandmother snoring and dozed off to the realm of dreams. i wanted to meet them. the "others" who were like me. i needed to find a way to contact them.
by the time, discord, a messaging website and app became quite popular. in the next morning after my "awakening", i googled for dragonkin servers. i instantly found several, but i clicked on the first one again. it was dragon's cove, a fairly big server for such a niche community. i remember being so happy, so relieved after meeting more of my kind. i asked a annoyingly amount of questions, was so nervous yet thrilled talking to other dragons. i think it went several days like this. i joined another server; draconic sanctuary, which i called my home server for a few years. from there, my real journey began. a journey of identity, knowledge and truthfulness. with the help of some dragons, especially their discussions of phantom limbs, shifts, past life memories and the like i gave the appearance of my dragonself a few last touches. or... was it my true dragon self?i finally found my people. finally someone who understood me, with whom i could talk about my experiences. but one thing bothered me; they were all traditional dragons. they all had past lives, and even memories from those lives. i had... nothing. just feelings, at that time. and my dragonself was different. it looks like a dragon similar to a video game character, not something from real life mythology. i felt embarrassed, like some troll who came to their server to make fun of their real experiences. i just wanted to fit in to a community, to people who had the same struggles and wishes like i had. beings like me who i have found at long last. so i needed to create a "more fitting" dragon.

swind. an european/western dragoness who could manipulate the wind. not far from my real self, but this dragon was far more common. she was dragon sized, did what most dragons do. i was happy, even though i was lying to everyone and myself. i found out about the term fictionkin half a year later, but i was still wary.
i didn't wanna expose myself as a liar, so i kept going. when i felt a bit safer, i went identifying as cynder from that video game series two years later. that was when the community and myself started to accept fictionkin a lot more. i thought it would feel better, and after all my real dragon self looks almost identical to her. but that felt wrong too. my personality didn't match hers, and i was sure my scales should be white, not black. i love spyro, but not in a way she does. i didn't know what to do, so i sat down and thought for a bit; "if swind and cynder don't feel right, maybe it's something completely different?". i tried to remember the early beginnings of my childhood, and thought about i always wanted to be a tiger.
so i began to view myself as a tiger therian.the first few months were a blast! i could finally behave like myself without the restrictions of a fictional source. i had paws, was fluffy and could be seen as wild or domesticated. i could mix and match whatever felt more like me. i commissioned artists to draw my big cat-self. i roleplayed (or how i like to call it: narrated my actions) as a tiger. i felt wonderful being a therian.

but, again, it felt like i was lying to myself and others. it felt great, no doubt, but what about the wings on my back? what about the longing i felt when looking at pictures of my homeworld? the cherished memories of playing the games on my console? i belonged there, not here on earth.i sat down again, begged my brain to give in, that everything would be fine if we stopped pretending i was something i'm not. i broke down every tiny aspect of me, wrote down which kinds of phantom limbs i felt, what behavior i had and compared those to the dragons from a specific trilogy of video games. i think i knew within what i really was. i just needed a push. so my journey began again, but this time differently than the last three. i want to be certain. i just tell people attributes about myself i really am certain about. i'm not afraid of letting others know what i don't know. i'm not scared of saying "i'm not sure" anymore.
yes, i am a dragon who looks very similar to the dragons of a video game. in fact, many would confuse me with cynder. but it is very real to me. i couldn't explain to you why, i do not have memories of a past life. i just have my meditations and feelings. but this is how i look like, this is who i am.
i am not swind, nor cynder, nor a tiger. i am dreki, a dragon trapped in a human shell. maybe it's a psychological phenomenon, maybe i'm "not ready" for any past life memories yet, maybe it's a secret third thing. but that doesn't matter. i know what i am now, or what i should be.
i wouldn't consider myself fictionkin as well, as i am not of a fictional source. my dragon body and my homeworld may look almost identical to the universe a human on this planet made, but it is not the same. i believe that they had to make the games and i had to come across them to find out who i truly am. it was fate.
i know this journey isn't over by far, but i am confident for the future that awaits me. i just hope this time i will stay true to myself and others, verifying my assumptions with meditations and astral travels, maybe even dreams. i am hopeful this is what or who i really am, and i won't mess it up again.so, what is it like now? my journey? by any means, it's not over yet. to give myself clarity, i am trying to use my experiences in the otherworld as the truth of my draconity. which means that everything i experience in meditations, astral travels and dreams counts as knowledge of my dragonself. i will try to document them on this page.
but there are still mysteries regarding those spiritual experiences: sometimes i end up in a completely different body or world. i have to investigate those further.

found familiy: how i met my dragon mother and other draconic friends

in summer 2024, there was a discussion on a discord server i am part of about some dragons from europe who are gathering to meet up in hanover, germany. as a dragon who lives in europe myself, i was eager to find this group and meet up with them. i joined the draconic server they have been making plans on, and shortly got accepted into their private group. i was the last who joined it because the finer plans and information about this meetup have been already made. it was fate that i have found them before i could no longer join them.
weeks went by, and then there was the weekend that would change my perspective on the nonhuman community forever. unlike the others, i couldn't stay for three days due to financial reasons, so i arrived one day later than everyone else. when i got out of the tram to the place where i would meet them, i saw a group of "humans" walking on the other side of the street. they looked odd, one had horns on. i knew it was them. i met them at the bakery they were heading to, and we all got to know each other. i told them who i was and got to learn the names of them: amber, orca, aëto (the one with the horns), bela, julian, bluefire and akir'ischa. the last one, a tall person, said that my human body looks a lot like my dragonself. this statement got stuck in my head, until this day.the weekend was wonderful, we got to know each other even more than what could have been with an online experience only. we were sad that we had to part again. after this gathering, we became good friends and chatted a lot online. ideas for a new meetup spread, and so a special discord server for this matter was born. just not for our group, but for all dragonkin in europe. more dragons should get the chance to experience this journey of meeting others like them in meatspace. we were eager to meet up again, to talk in person and have amazing moments like we had the first time. we missed each other dearly. we offered new dragons on the server to come with us, and a few did. the next meetup was taking place in the dutch province of limburg. a beautiful place with lots of nature. we were staying in little huts at an europarcs, and honestly, it was the best thing ever. sharing a little house for the weekend led to us strengthening our bond even more. what stayed in my head the most was one evening, where we all gathered at one hut, having food and drinks together, did a karaoke night and just had fun. i looked around, watched the others having deep and meaningful conversations, sharing their joy with each other. i have never seen such a dynamic before, such love for each other. we have truly become a wonderful group of draconic friends. it almost made me cry, out of happiness.again, the departure made our hearts rip. and again, our heads were full of new destinations we should visit as a group. after this gathering, many smaller ones followed. some more local and better accessible for some, with less dragons. mini-meetups, so to say. i met up with bluefire and akir'ischa again, we had a great, but short day in the netherlands. but something changed when i was home again. sure, still the same sadness of returning to the human life, and missing the others and their joyful presence. but there was.. another feeling.akir'ischa and i have been texting a lot. more than i have texted with the others of our friend group. there was this feeling of something pulling me towards her. it wasn't a romantic nor sexual feeling, but it was more than just platonic liking. it was odd, as i have never felt this feeling. i viewed her as a teacher, someone to look up to and learn from. someone who i can lean on when i'm sad, get help when i needed the words of a wise dragon. but was she just a friend to me? like the others? i value them a lot, but this was... different.
one day, we were texting privately, when she told me something. something i have not considered yet. but when she did, it finally clicked. she admitted that she had parental feelings towards me, that i remind her of the hatchlings she had in her past life as a dragon. she viewed me as her adopted daughter. dragon-wise, soul-wise.that was it! i finally understood what this feeling was that i felt. i didn't know how to react to this revelation, and i didn't reveal too much of the feelings i was having after reading that. our relationship grew, i was calling her my mother more often as she did call me her daughter more and more. we told our friend group that we have found family in each other, and they were as happy and as surprised as we were. they were fascinated by the fact that because of our meetups, such a relationship has formed. that because of our little, random group, family has been found.

and which every new meetup, our mother-daughter bond strengthens.
but not just ours, but of the whole dragon group. and i can't wait for the next meetup, to see them all again. i miss them very much with every passing day, because being with them makes me feel less human, and more dragon.

• back
• journey
• draconity
• art
• blog

about my draconity

species
- i am a white-scaled dragon who can fly
- i have six horns in total which feel sturdy
- i have seen one other living dragon; a male red dragon who could see me (special ability?)
- we use spoken language as well as body language and animal sounds (growls, hisses)
- i am sapient, but also behave animalistic
- i like to play in leaf piles, like an animal
- i sunbathe when i candiet
- i eat crystals
- brown mushrooms are delicious
- i drink from natural waters like brooks. i don't scoop up the water with my tongue like many animals do, but rather stick my snout in the water and suck it inreligion and culture
- there are many ruins on my homeworld, some of them are still in use
- there is a hall i often visit with a round, artificial pond in the middle which waters glow. acts as a portal to different places if one dives into it
- we worship the spirits of deceased dragons who we call "the ancestors"
- some dragons have roles (does a society exist?)
- some dragons wear clothes (cloaks, jewelry)dragon spirits
- can contact dragons/those with dragon souls on other worlds
- can materialize into glowing purple, but almost transparent dragon forms
- can speak to living beings
- spirits who had special roles as living dragons seem to keep their rank when becoming an ancestor
- may start a new life as a living being, but loosing all their memories of being a dragon spirit
- can open portals to other worlds (or illusions?)planet
- has multiple biomes
- floating islands (like on pandora) with ruins and abandoned villages on them
- deep, mossy mushroom forests; giant mushrooms act as trees
- temperate forests like on earth
- caves with torches on the wall
- at least one big swamp
- rivers/brooks existwildlife
- small rodents live in caves (shrews? moles?), as big as a young adult dragon's paw
- various insects fly around (fireflies?)

• back
• journey
• draconity
• art
• blog